This year I want to fight.
Knock-out. Drag down. FIGHT. Kicking and screaming.
I WANT TO FIGHT FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
And maybe I have fought my whole life. But I want to be more intentional about it, because I only get to do this life once and I am tired of just doing what I have to do over what I want to do.
I have to go to work. And cook dinner. Ugh. There are a lot of urgent things that need to be done. Like paying the bills and laundry and dishes and grocery shopping.
But what I want to do are the things that make me feel alive. Like running and writing. Laughing and loving and worshiping. And all of those things are part of my life now,
BUT I WANT MORE.
More time to do what I love. It is a struggle to make time to read and write. Sometimes I'm just too tired to think or to articulate and sort the knotted ball of thread that tangles all of these thoughts up in my head. And it's a struggle to get up on these cold, dark mornings to run.
More of God. I want my times with Him to be more intimate. I want my relationship with Him to be more than behaving, because I have learned to do that well. I already know how to do church and how to do good. I want to accept His invitation to know His constant peace and presence over the striving to meet expectations - mostly the ones I hold over myself. And I want to fight to stay alive and awake to the everyday graces He has given me.
I want to fight for my children and my family. To say no to good things so that I can have what I want: MORE TIME FOR MY FAMILY. Time to tell my son how proud I am to be his mom and to teach my daughter about love and life and God. Time to tell my mom how much I appreciate her and time to make more memories.
And I want to fight for Scotty. I want to be the one person in his life who will love him unconditionally. We have fought too many battles to just get comfortable and allow our marriage to be crippled by 'just ordinary'. I love this song by Warren Barfield.
Scotty has been and always will be worth fighting for."Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for."
I understand that these here are fighting words because anything worth having is going to take hard work. And it's worth the fight to stay awake and to live alive and to stay in love.
What about you? What are you fighting for?