It's a Jungle Out There

The past several months have felt as messy as the flower bed in our front yard had become.  I sighed at the overgrown bed of weeds in the front yard as Scotty and I sipped our coffee on the patio.  The green elephant ears that once stood tall with bright red blooms were now dry and half eaten by pests.  The flower pots that once grew basil and lavender were hidden in a jungle of overgrown wild grass and stickers.  Kinda like life some days.  Sticky.  Dry.  Tired.  Overwhelming.

 

  

I put my headphones on and spent the morning watering the ground to soften the dirt.  It was just me, my thoughts and my music.  Sometimes you have to shut out all the noise and water the dry, thirsty soil of your heart.  I spent the time praying and drenching myself in music that reminded me that God is always good and I am never forsaken.  A few hours later, the flower bed looked clean and fresh and my heart was a little lighter.

The circumstances I have found myself in have humbled me deeply and have brought me to my knees.  Sometimes life doesn't turn out as expected and we are forced to adjust our sails.  There have been hard-getting-out-of-bed days and I-can't/don't-want-to-do-it-anymore days.  Then there have been days that I have found myself so deeply grateful for the people God has placed in my life during this season.  I want those days to happen more often.  It is a choice, you know.

  

 

It hasn't been all bad.  In the middle of stormy waters some pretty awesome things have happened, like a vacation and seeing our son and an amazing gift for my mom.

When you have a blog about faith and grace and encouragement, what do you do when you're the one needing the grace and encouragement?  When what you write is about what's happening in your life but what is happening is all consuming and exhausting, and you are not quite ready to write about it yet ... what then?

That's when I step back and stay quiet.  But here's the thing - I miss you.  I miss writing.  So here I am popping in to tell you that although there is a lot going on - I'm okay.  Really.  I know where my hope is.  I know that joy is just around the corner.  I'll write more later.  Promise.

The words may be few in the coming months, but I'll be popping in here and there - maybe for a five-minute Friday or when I have a burst of thought that I can't keep in.  Let's keep our hearts and eyes and ears open.  There are so many who are going through a difficult time.  Let's be kind and lift one another up in prayer, okay?

Love ya!

- Liv

Five-Minute Friday: Because

It has been a difficult season and I haven't always handled it the best.  I would like to be a woman who wears her circumstances well, but there have been days I have snapped at my family or had a melt down over something small.  Stress has ached across my shoulders and too many times I have focused on my own lack of strength and despaired because of my inadequacy.  But then there are those moments when God lifts my chin and lovingly reminds me that He is my strength and He is carrying me.  He reminds me to watch as He works everything out.

Today I am in a comfortable rented condo with my mom as she recovers from her kidney transplant.  And she is doing so well!  This mornings bacon is lingering in the air.  Although it still feels like summer outside in Tucson, an apple crisp is baking in the oven, and it smells like Thanksgiving.  Mmmm.  Scotty and Cel are sitting together on the couch watching a movie, and I am feeling so grateful because even though sometimes life is hard, God is always good.

I am grateful because my mom has received an amazing gift.  Because I have a loving husband who  rubs the ache in my shoulders.  Because I have four siblings who are my best friends.  Because I have incredible friends who love, pray and offer their support.  Because God is in control and His grace is sufficient.  I don't have to have it all together.  What a relief! 

Bad days will come and go. They are the exception, not the rule.  Better days are coming.  There will be more gifts.  More joy.  No matter the circumstances there is one constant: God and His goodness.



I know it's Saturday, but that's what I love about Five-Minute Friday!  It's all about just writing raw.  The ladies who write over at FMF don't care about mistakes or if it's a day late!

An Incredible Gift

In pre-op

After 5 1/2 years of dialysis treatments, 3 times a week; 3 hours at a time - my beautiful momma has a new kidney! The surgery went well.  Besides a couple of rough nights and fever due to her new medication (one out of what seems like a hundred!), she has been doing great!  Thank you for your prayers!  Keep 'em coming!

We could hardly believe it when we received the news that a kidney had come available for her.  We are so grateful for this gift, knowing that while we are rejoicing, another family is mourning.  Please lift them up in prayer.  Although we don't know who they are, we will forever owe them a debt of gratitude for changing my mom's life.

You can read more of my mom's story over at www.recovery4rae.com. My sister and her husband did a wonderful job setting up the website - please check it out! 

Speaking of my sisters.  I don't know what I would do without them and my brother. 

The past week and a half has been manic, to say the least.  Between setting up accounts, traveling 70 miles to and from the hospital, trying to figure out insurance stuff, making arrangements for her 24 hour care for the next 4-6 weeks and managing our own personal and work schedules - we all have carried one another.  Scotty and Celine also deserve a major award for putting up with the crazy lady (me) who has moved into our home!

Mr. Parker - A Christmas Story (Photo)

 

Please continue to pray for my mom as she adjusts to new medications and the health challenges that come along with organ transplantation.  She is just at the beginning of her recovery journey.  Please pray that all will go well, without complications and that she will be home soon, enjoying her new life!

Thank you for your friendship!  I love having this space to share life together with you!

- Liv

Five Minute Friday: Hold

Hold on guys!  Hang in there. These long tired days?  They're just a season.

Sometimes you feel like you've  been hanging on for too long. And you're just. So. Tired. You don't how much longer you can do it. Your grip is weak. You feel like you just might go under. 

Hold on to those promises that you are never alone; that everything is going to work out for good. Hold on to the promise that you have a hope and a future; that Gods got good plans for you. He is near the broken hearted; a Father to the fatherless; that He brings beauty from the ashes. 

This season will pass. Joy will come in the morning. And when you look back you'll  realize that although you felt as if you were clinging with all your might,  you were being held. The whole time. 

Linked up over here with other writers for five minutes - mistakes and all!

Five-Minute Friday: Ready

I don't know about you, but I'm so ready for cool nights and hot drinks; pumpkin pie and warm sweaters!  Summer has been lovely, but I'm ready for the change of seasons and snuggling up, safe and warm. 

And then there's those other changes.  The one's we're not so ready for.

Saying goodbye.
Letting go.
Sending our babies out into the world.
Growing up and aging.

We all face that one thing at some point in our lives.  You know.  The one we dread.  It rudely interrupts our blissful season without so much as asking if we are ready or not.  It just barges in, too soon.  Your one thing is probably different then mine, but we have this in common: a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).   

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. - Isaiah 43:18-19

And there are a hundred more promises.  Verses we know well.  They are for you, you know.  It's so much easier to quote them and believe them for someone else. I'm telling you and I'm telling me - let's believe them for ourselves in the changes we may be facing ahead.  We are never alone and we are always loved.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:6

I'm linking up with other lovely ladies over here.

On Augustus Waters, a mother's love and the literal heart of Jesus ...

Photo

I have a confession.  Sometimes I indulge in Young Adult literature and I can't blame it on my daughter, because she doesn't share my love of reading (how did that happen?).  I read the book, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.  And then I went to the movie and sat in a theater packed with teenagers.  I may have cried a little.

If you haven't read/seen it, it's about a girl, Hazel Grace Lancaster, who has cancer.  She meets a boy, Augustus Waters, at her cancer support group and he begins to pursue her.  Relentlessly.  Hazel tries to keep her distance because she feels like a grenade that is going to hurt everyone who loves her when she dies.  She feels like it's her responsibility to minimize the casualties in her wake.  And then Augustus says the famous line:

"Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace.  It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

And all the girls in the theater swooned.

Because, what girl wouldn't want to be loved by someone who says things like that.  Who wouldn't want to be loved by someone who sees beyond her mess and pursues her.  Unabatedly.

Flash back to the day my son was born.  I couldn't stop looking at him.  Those tiny fingers and those cheeks - he was perfect.  I named him and I loved him just because he was my son.  And then the thought crossed my mind, "One day he is going to break your heart...".  What a strange thought to have in that moment.  If I was as brilliant as John Green's Augustus Waters, I would have said, "Taylor Scott, it would be a  privilege to have my heart broken by you."

How many times is a mother's heart broken over her children?  A billion and one. When that baby is feverish.  When the toddler is defiant.  When your child is teased at school.  Or how about the child who stomps off to her room yelling, "I hate you!" as she slams the door.  Or the teen who is making poor choices.  A mother's heart is broken over and over and over again.  And yet her love for her children would chase them to the moon and back.  Or to Colorado.  Same difference.

A mother knows better than most that her children are far from perfect.  We know their faults and weaknesses and the mistakes they've made.   But still.  There is nothing that can change the way she feels about them.  Motherhood isn't easy.  It comes at a price.  Our hearts.

There is nothing like a mothers love.

Or is there?

I think about the Garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus is about to face His death.  He is alone and praying,

"My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."  - Matthew 26:39

And Jesus went to the cross, paying the penalty for our mistakes and failures.

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  - Romans 5:8

He paid the price for our sin, so that we wouldn't have to.  He died so we could live.  Because:

 ... the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.  - Romans 6:23

He said: 
"Insert your name here (Olivia Christine), it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

 And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is My body which is given for you..."

These words, from the "literal heart of Jesus" (for those who read the book or saw the movie), are being said to you and me.

How many times has His heart been broken over me?  A billion and one.  When I am sick.  When I am defiant.  When I am going through a hard time.  When I am angry at Him.  He knows my faults and weaknesses.  He knows the mistakes I have made.  But still.  He named me - Beloved.  What's in a name?  I talk about that more here.  When God looks at me, he sees love.  And I didn't have to do anything to earn it.  I am perfect in His eyes.  How can that be?  I know how far from perfect I am.

There is nothing like the Father's love.

It pursues me.  Unabatedly.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life... - Psalm 23:6

The use of the word 'follow' in this verse is the Hebrew word, radaph - to chase; run after; hunt.  So this verse literally says:

Surely goodness and mercy will chase; run after; hunt me all the days of my life.

Here's another verse:

Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. - Psalm 139:7&8

I want my children to know how much I love them.  There is nowhere they can go that my love won't follow.  Just as much, I want them to know how much God loves them.  How can I make them understand, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is?  And then I remember.  "Surely goodness and mercy will chase Taylor and Celine all the day's of their lives".  God is relentlessly pursuing them.  Because He loves them more than I do. 

We spend our lives looking for someone who will love us.  Girls everywhere will swoon over Augustus Waters and dream of such words being said to them.  

Yet there they are.  Right in front of us:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.." - Jeremiah 31:3

Jesus is saying your name.  His goodness and mercy are chasing you.  And me.  The literal heart and body of Jesus have already been broken for you.

The Brant's on Vacation

Summer flew by and the kids are back in school.  I am hoping you had some lazy days full of reading and lemonade (or whatever your favorite lazy thing is), as well as fun times with the people you love.  Here's a bit of our adventure!

This raised-in-Arizona girl has finally seen the Grand Canyon!  Scotty, Cel and I took a splendid end-of-the-summer road trip.  We headed north, to Williams, AZ.  I didn't know that such beautiful forest-covered mountains existed in Arizona!  We rode a zip line and wandered in and out of the shops on Route 66.  Scotty and I even went for a run and took on a couple of steep hills.  You know you're a runner-geek when you can't wait to run a new trail in a new place!

Zip Line!

Her favorite - pistachio almond

Early  morning run with Scotty

The town was alive long after the sun went down and Scotty and I took a stroll in the cool evening air, stopping to listen to a live band play outside of a restaurant.  It was loverly.  The next morning the three of us hopped onto the Grand Canyon Railway Express for a two-hour ride to the Grand Canyon. 

Amazing.  That's about all I can say about the Grand Canyon.  You just have to see it.  We took a billion pictures and returned back to the hotel, exhausted and famished.  What a great weekend it was!

We were excited to start Part 2 of our trip - Provo, Utah, to visit my sister and her family!  What can I say?  Nothing is better than just hanging out in the familiarity and comfort of people you love too much.  We stayed up late talking, shopped, played cards, had a family Nerf gun shoot-out and ... of course, went for a run around the Provo River Trail.  I love that my sister and her hubby are runner-geeks too!  I can't leave Provo without telling you how beautiful it was there.  The mountains.  And the waterfalls.  And the people I love.  Simply beautiful.

My beautiful sister

Cousins

Family shoot-out

Vacation, Part 3 took us to Colorado Springs.  Oh my.  The drive.  Ten hours of beautiful mountain roads, through rocky gorges and the summer-green slopes of Vail, and did I mention the mountains?  Finally, I got to hug my boy and see that he is healthy and clothed and alive after being away from me for 8 months!  It was the four of us again, being a family.  

We went to the zoo, Garden of the God's, visited Focus on the Family and Whit's end.  I must say, I was most excited about that tour.  I grew up without television and Mr. Whittaker and Adventures in Odyssey were my childhood!

Garden of the Gods

Whit's End

Odyssey and Narnia

We celebrated Taye's birthday and ate way too much!

And Scotty and I took a wild leap!

It was AWESOME!

We spent the final day playing laser tag and bowling.  It was a day I wished would never end.  We said goodbye to our son and hugged him hard.  Before leaving Colorado we met up with childhood friends of mine - 27 years later!  It was oh-so-wonderful to meet their families and reminisce.  I barely remember my food coming or even eating it, before the waiter came back to take my plate.  Can't wait to do it again!

Jamming while they wait for their turns

We returned home 2,526 miles later, happy and road weary, to say the least!

After more than 36 hours in the car, I've seen enough truck stop restrooms and fast food to last a looong while.  But our hearts are still brimming and running over with time spent together.  It's rough getting back to real life after such an adventure.  I am ever so grateful to have had it.

Love these two!

I'd love to hear about your summer!  And then - let's dig into Fall! 

When you are dreading what's around the corner ...

Photo Credit: Olivia Brant

We're going on a bear hunt! We're gonna catch a big one!
I'm not afraid! Are you? Not me!

Oh, no!  It's a big puddle of mud
Can't go around it; Gotta go right thru it
Yuk! Well, let's go.
Sqwish, Sqwish, Blaaahh.

This song was a favorite when I taught preschool, a hundred years ago.  It's cute seeing three and four year old's eyes light up as they go over pretend mountains and through imaginary tall grass.  The girls squeal and giggle, covering their mouths with little hands.  The boys sing loudly, sloppily bumping into classmates as they stomp and conquer each obstacle.

But what if the obstacle ahead of you is not imaginary and fun or even remotely cute?  It's dark and murky and scary.  It's going to take a lot of messy, hard work.  You know you can't go around it.  You have to go through it.  And you dread it.

I have faced situations that made me want to curl up in bed and pull the covers over my face.  I don't want to be a growned-up.  I don't want to think.  I don't want to make the difficult decisions.  I don't want to be responsible.  I am afraid.

What to do then?

Those are the times when we see our desperate need for Jesus.  We never not need Him, but those difficult times are the times we realize that we are not in control.  Do I have the faith to trust the God I claim to trust when times are good?  It's easy to trust on the clear, sunny days.  But when the waters are murky do I remember Who holds the whole universe in balance?  Do I remember that He's not as surprised as I am about what is happening?

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There's still power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words wont come
Cause you're too afraid to pray
If the words wont come
And you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus

-7eventh Time Down

I have found that allowing myself to be wrapped up in His presence settles my heart so that I can go on and take the next step.  Because even if things are not going well, God is always good.  Let your favorite worship music saturate your day.

Am I suggesting we place our heads in the sand and pretend that life is grand?  NO!  I am suggesting that we remind ourselves of the truth.  Because it's hard to see clearly when you are in a boat and all you see are the dark, scary waves crashing in on you.  Remember Who is in the boat with you. 

Let's not be so hard on ourselves and so afraid of not handling the circumstances perfectly.  YOU WON'T.  Let's just get that out of the way right off the bat.  We are all just trying to figure things out and there is no one perfect way to handle it.  But you have One perfect God.  Remember?  He takes broken things and makes them whole.  He makes up for our lack.

Now that that's established,
Give yourself permission to:

Grieve.  
Cry.  Cry hard and loud.  Then dry your eyes, but on some lip gloss and carry on.  And when you feel the need, cry again. 

Tell somebody.
Reach out to someone.  Just don't carry it all alone in silence.  In the blogging community, we believe in telling our stories for a reason.  There is a weight lifted in the telling; in saying it out loud.  That doesn't mean your life is an open book for everybody.  It means you have sought out someone who will listen to you and cry with you and pray for you and with you. Ask for help! 

Set up boundaries.
This is your story and you get to tell it to who you want to.  But you don't owe everybody a detailed explanation.  You don't have to tell people who you don't want to tell.

Give yourself a cut-off at the end of the day, like, no more thinking after say, 9 pm.

Set up a lunch date where the rule is to talk about anything but that.  You need a break from it, if even for an hour, and especially when you should be sleeping (easier said than done, but it's a goal and goals help you be more intentional).

Let yourself smile.
There is no law saying, 'thou shalt not laugh or smile when life is hard'.  It's okay.  Find something to smile about.   

You are strong.

 I can do all things through  Christ who gives me strength. 

- Philippians 4:13

We are going to get through this.  Just do the next thing.  And the next. And the next.  Moment by moment.  Day by day.  Just fall forward and when you feel tired, stop, take a breath and then move again.  We will reach the other side.

You are never alone.  You are always loved.  And God is always good.