I Will Never Be Good Enough

 

What am I thinking?!?  The blinding white screen mocks me and the cursor taunts me to type something meaningful.  I feel like a deer in head lights.  So this is stage fright.  Days of rehearsing my lines, nervous excitement and then...nothing.  I know the script, but my voice refuses to make a sound.  I am suddenly overcome with a sense of inadequacy.

 

Then again, maybe it isn't so sudden.  I've lived much of my life feeling inadequate.  It's my sixth sense.  I'm not smart enough, tall enough, spiritual enough. I AM NOT ENOUGH.  I don't have any deep wisdom or insight.  Quite frankly, I'm sort of a mess.  I worry too much about what people think, I'm moody and inconsistent with my routines, can never find my phone, and these days my family is lucky if I get dinner on the table.  I am not enough to be my husband's only happiness, teach my children everything about life, and even though I won't try to, if you stick around long enough, I will disappoint you. 

Enter: Grace

Unmerited favor.  In other words, favor I didn't earn, so I don't deserve it. 
Synonyms for favor include approval, blessing, a gift, fondness, like, love, ok.

I am not enough, but it's ok.

Do you know that God is not disappointed in you?  He can't be, because He had no expectations of you being perfect in the first place.  HE  STILL LOVES YOU.  Not only does He love you , He adores you. 

"...While we were still unlovely, Christ died for us" - Romans 5:8
 

He knows that we can never live up to perfection.  BUT His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).  IT is enough.

 

Do you believe it?  Do you have the audacity to say "I am God's favorite"?  With God, it has never been about performance or good behavior. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT RELATIONSHIP.   When I feel someone is mad at me or disappointed in me, I distance myself.  In fact, I become defensive and angry.  But when I know I am loved and accepted, my behavior changes.  I love back.  I won't try to, but I will mess up.  Yet, grace will still be there.  It's outrageous. 

So let's just stop.

Let's stop performing.

Let's stop trying to be good enough.

Stop working so hard to gain God's approval.

It's OK to not have it all together.  Let's keep it real.  There is always grace.

The real story is that there are tons of bloggers out there who are smarter, wiser, and are better writers than I am.  Maybe I will have only 3 readers (shout out to The Sisterhood!), or maybe I'll reach just a handful of people in my little corner of the blog world.  Still, I'll keep writing.  And if what I have to say is relevant to you, grab a cup of coffee, come on over to this space and we'll keep reminding eachother to live inside the grace of today.


What about you?  Do you struggle with inadequacy?  What are your thoughts on grace?