Still there?

Hello?  Is anyone still there?

I'm dusting off my keyboard and clearing a place for you to sit down and visit.  Go ahead and fix yourself a cuppa something yummy and then come put your feet up for a bit.  We've got some catching up to do!

So how are you?  I really want to know.  It's been a while since we've talked and I've missed you bunches.

I am doing well and I can't tell you how happy I am that it is today - the first day of October. 

I'm loving the tastes and smells of Fall, and especially the feeling that something good and new is around the corner. 

Growing is painful and scary. But it is good.  So good.  The past year has been all sorts of stretching and struggling to break out of my old skin and grow into this new one.  In all of the uncomfortable I felt that I should stay quiet - I didn't feel that I quite had my wits about me.  And then suddenly, the dark clouds parted and the first light of sunrise broke through.
  
The sunrise is most beautiful after the storm. 

"After a night of howling wind, pounding thunder, and pulling covers over your head, the morning wakes to stillness.  The earth is mushy; branches and washed up debris litter the ground.  But look up.  Always. Look. Up.  The sky is beautifully painted a mixture of oranges and pinks, promising the arrival of the sun.  Calm. The dark clouds are gone.  You close your eyes.  Birds are singing.  A gentle breeze kisses your face.  Inhale.  The ground smells fresh, ready for new growth.  It smells like hope.  You smile because you are still standing.  There is some rebuilding to do; things may never look the same - they are not supposed to.  It's a new beginning"



Nothing says 'new beginnings' like a baby.  This little guy is the delight of our home!  With new beginnings come miracles and I'm so grateful for the miracles that came along with this little boy.  More stories for another time! 

Our house is a whirlwind of diapers and paci's and laughter and drool.  So much silliness happening just to get a smile.  It's wonderfully ridiculous!  It is precious to see the love affair between my girl and her son.  He adores her.  The way he looks longingly after her when she leaves the room ... Or how he tenderly touches her face.  I die!! God's grace has been abundant during this huge change in our family.

Life doesn't stop, even for the birth of a first grandson.  My daughter entered her senior year and jumped, or shall I say pirouetted, her way back into ballet.  She may be a mommy herself, but she is still my girl and watching her dance fills up my momma heart.  You know the feeling - whether it's football or tennis or karate, or clogging or yodeling - it's a pleasure watching our kids do something they love.

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays have come as scheduled in the midst of all the change - imagine that!  Friendships have been strengthened and new ones have been forged.  We celebrated the one year anniversary of my mom's kidney transplant.  A nephew graduated from Air Force Basic Training.  We traveled to San Antonio (grueling drive!) to watch the ceremony.  And I left a piece of me there.  Literally.  We had to extend our trip because I had to have emergency gall bladder surgery.  Oy!  I was well taken care of and am recovering well.  Some people will do anything to get a few more days of vacation!  Obviously I'm not beneath donating an organ!

Through the challenges and changes in life, I am reminded of how very much I need Jesus.  Every. Single. Day.   I am learning what it means to rejoice always,  pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

God is still good.  I am still standing.  And it is well with my soul.

How has God been faithful in this season of your life?  I'd love it if you'd share in the comments, or just let me know that you're still here!

Let's talk again soon, yes?  We'll meet here - I'll save a seat for you!

Love, 

Liv

70 things I want to teach my daughter about motherhood

1) That feeling you had the first time you saw him?  That's exactly how I felt about you.  Still do. Always will.

2) Nobody prays the way a momma does.  Bring him to Jesus every day.

3) Let him see you talk to Jesus.  Let him hear you talking about Jesus.  Let him see you walk with Jesus.

4) Your faith is the best heritage you can give him.

5) YOU are exactly the mom he needs.  Just as you are. 

6) You don't have to prove anything to anybody.  You are capable.

7) It's okay to not know everything.  Don't be afraid to ask. 

8) Cleanliness is not next to godliness.  Sometimes you have to leave the mess. 

9) Little boys get dirty.  Their play is their work and they work hard.

10) You don't have to do all the things.  Do what you can, when you can, with what you have.

11) Do one thing for yourself everyday, no matter how small

12) Keep dancing.  Your passions are important.

13) Make time for your friendships.  Sometimes this is hard work.  So worth it. 

14) Drink lots of water and eat well. 

15) Make time to take care of your health.

16)  Learn something new.  It's exhilarating.

17) Read to him every day.

18) Read one more story.  Let him splash in the tub.  Give him one more kiss goodnight.  These years go by much too quickly.

19) When you are frustrated, remember that love is kind.  Kindness wins.

20) Stand your ground.  Children are stubborn sometimes, but you are the boss always.

21) Teach him how to work. 

22) Teach him about money. 

23) Teach him how to give. 

24) He wants to know that you are proud of him.

25) Talk to him even when he won't talk to you.

26) Hug and kiss him even if he gets embarrassed. 

27) Trust your gut. 

28) Time spent together is better than a new toy.

29) Family is a gift.  Teach him that it is important to love and support one another.

30) Take him outside every day.  Let him run, jump, climb and yell.  He'll sleep good at night.

31) He's gonna skin his knees.  It's ok.  Little boys are tuff and your kisses are magical.

32) Mommy's are super heroes.  What you do is important.  Every. Little. Thing. 

33) It is more important for you to be fully present than to fight for perfection.  Present over perfect.

34) Always plan ahead, but hold your plans loosely - things often don't go as planned with children.

35) Go slow.  Never rush.  Hurry steals joy. 

36) Don't try to do everything.  Better to do a few things and do them well then to do everything, but poorly. 

37) You will feel like your not getting through to him.  Keep reminding him.  Those reminders will become habits when he is older. 

38) It's just a season.  No matter what stage he is in - this too shall pass.

39) Motherhood is the hardest job you'll ever have. 

40) It is also the best and most fulfilling thing you'll ever do.

41) You won't always do it perfectly, but there is more than enough grace.  God makes up for our lack.

42) Say you're sorry.

43)  Laugh with him.  A lot.

44) Don't tease him.  Let him know that you will never, ever make fun of him.  He is safe with you.

45) Teach him that home is a safe place where he is always loved, accepted and where he can be himself.

46) The mom uniform (sweats and a pony tail) is comfy, but sometimes you gotta do something to make yourself feel pretty. 

47) Emergency chocolate stash and a closet. Enough said. 

48) Coffee.

49) Go to bed on time.

50) Make rest a habit.

51) Wake up a few minutes early.  That quiet time before he wakes up makes ALL the difference.

52) Don't neglect your time with the Lord.  You need His direction daily.

53) Obey the Holy Spirit.  He will let you know what you need to know.  This is your secret weapon!

54) Keep singing.  Always let him hear you sing.

55) Introduce him to good music.

56) Never let him see you disagree with his dad.  If you must disagree, do it in private.

57) Never talk to him badly about his dad.  He should never feel like he has to choose sides.

58) Beware of mommy guilt.  Comparison and self-expectations are your enemies.

59) He is a gift.  Always loved and wanted.  He was never a mistake.

60) Teach him to look people in the eye, and to speak when spoken to.

61) Teach him that life isn't always fair, but that God is always good and there is always something to be thankful for.

62) Teach him to stand up for the underdog.

63) Teach him to respect you - you are the first woman in his life.  You are his greatest teacher.

64) God has good things for both of you.

65) I love you so much.

66) I am proud of you.

67) You are a great momma.

68) You can do hard things.

69) He is going to be ok.

70) You are going to be ok.


This list falls short, I know, and I'm still trying to learn much of this myself. I didn't expect to share these thoughts with my daughter for many more years.  It wasn't too long ago that I wrote this post for her: 82 Things I Want To Tell My Daughter Before Tomorrow.  I must say that I am proud of her for making the brave choice to carry Jaxson and to raise him.  Mommy and baby are doing wonderfully and we couldn't be more in love!  Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers.  I love how God has loved us through you.

 

Celebrating a Little Gentleman

We celebrated a little boy this past weekend.  I couldn't be more proud of how his momma has handled her pregnancy with grace and humility.  And I couldn't be more grateful for the people who have come along side our family in prayer, love and support.  Here is a wordless (almost) picture story of how we celebrated a special little man:

Mustache rings for the party

 

 

 

 

 

The Food Table

 

 

 

  

 



 

 



 

 Photo Booth Fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gifts

 

 

 

 Thanks For Coming!

 

 

 

 

It was the best day! 

Worn out

We are four and a half weeks away from welcoming a precious gift into our lives.  Excitement has set in!  Thank you for your kind words and prayers!  I am so thankful for the people - YOU - that God has placed in our lives!  Oh how He loves!

Love, Liv

And all the people said amen

There is an infant carrier in the back seat of my car.  We've set up a crib and we found these adorable little Converse socks.

Change is coming.  Come March, life as we know it will never be the same.  See, there's this little boy ...

We haven't met him yet, but we have heard his heart beat.  We watch and wait to see or feel the slightest move and smile giddy when it comes.  His name is Jaxson.  He is wanted.  He is loved.  He is my grandson.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. - Psalm 139:13,14

Last March, on my daughter's 16th birthday, I posted this story for her.  It begins with the meaning of her middle name, Jenae:

'God has been gracious'

It follows her from birth through her growing up years being told exactly that - God is gracious.  The story ends with Celine Jenae as a mother rocking her own baby and telling of God's grace.  How could I have known that almost exactly a year later my girl would indeed be rocking her own child?

We may have been caught off guard, but God was not.  He knew that Jaxson would be a part of Celine's story from the beginning.  God has plans for her little boy.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. - Psalm 139:16

Although we have had challenges over the past several months, there have also been gifts ...

- Love and support from family and friends
- The kindness of people around us
- The sweetness of our relationship as mother and daughter during this season
- Watching my girl experience God's grace
- The resources for young mothers in our area - they have been wonderful!
- I have to say it again - friends.  Thank You, Jesus for the women You have placed in my life!

There are so many things to write about.  All the feelings.  Sometime.  We are still walking through it and the truth is, this is my daughter's story.  When she is ready.

Meanwhile, would you say a prayer for our family when we come to mind?  Please pray especially for Celine as she navigates motherhood while finishing high school.   

By the way, Celine told me that she looked up the meaning of the name Jaxson.

Scottish:  'God has been gracious'

 Amen.

A drink for weary mommas

Photo: Olivia Brant

This post is for the mommas who are tired.  This is for the momma who feels like she is not getting through; that she has failed. This one is for the momma who is begging for a break through; for just a tiny indication that her prayers are being heard. 

Momma, you have invested too much; spent too many sleepless nights in prayer; shed too many tears to give up now.  You have fought hard.  I know.  I know the loneliness you feel. The exasperation. You are just so tired.

 

Can I gently remind you that you were not meant to carry this?  I know I need the reminder. We were not cut out for this.  That's right.  Stop carrying the weight for being unable to do what only God can do.  Only He can change a heart.  Only He can heal.  Only He can take an impossible situation and make it possible.  Is it possible that you are fighting a battle that is not yours?  Is it time for you to let go and let God handle this?  Watch and see how He is going to work it out. 

I don't know your situation. I do know that nobody will love or pray for your children the way you do. So keep loving them. Keep praying for them. This story isn't over yet.

 

Are you perfect?  No.  Have you made mistakes?  Maybe.  I have.  Big mistakes.  Will you believe me when I say you are not a failure?  I'm not.  Because we are not quitters.  We are not alone.  We are all facing challenges.  I'm right there with you.  And God is with us.

Do you know the story of Hagar in the Bible?

Hagar and her son Ishmael have been cast out into the wilderness and their supply of food and water have run out.  She is in the desert.  Can you imagine?  Like Arizona in the summer during a drought.  She is tired.  The hot sun has drained her of all energy.  She is alone on this journey with her child and she has no idea how she is going to care for him.  Their future is uncertain. 

She is about to give up.  She places her son under a bush and goes about a bow's shot away, sobbing.  She does not want to watch him die. 

But God hears.  He always hears.

"What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."  - Genesis 21:17

Momma.  Don't be afraid.  God hears you.  He hears your children.

Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. - Genesis 21:19

That well was there the whole time.  Hagar had only go a bow's shot further to find it.  And to think she almost gave up.

You and I also have a well. 

"If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” ... - John 7:37-38

It's crazy to die of thirst when there is a well within reach.  Maybe your eyes are weak today and you can't see beyond your circumstances.  Ask God to open them.  And then momma, get up, take your children by the hand and lead them to the Water.  Love your child.  Pray for your child.  Point your child to Jesus. 
Don't forget the times God has been faithful in the past.  He has brought you this far. Drink.

That well was not Hagar's first encounter with God.  He had been faithful to her at another well, about 14 years earlier when she had run away from her mistress Sarai, who had mistreated her. 

Then the angel of the Lord told her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel added, “I will increase your descendants so much that they will be too numerous to count.”  The angel of the Lord also said to her: “You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son.  You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery ..." - Genesis 16:9-11

The encounter meant so much to Hagar that she named the well:

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered. - Genesis 16:13, 14

You have a God who sees you struggling.  He hears your cries.  Lift your eyes and go to the well.  There is rest for your weary momma heart.

On Augustus Waters, a mother's love and the literal heart of Jesus ...

Photo

I have a confession.  Sometimes I indulge in Young Adult literature and I can't blame it on my daughter, because she doesn't share my love of reading (how did that happen?).  I read the book, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.  And then I went to the movie and sat in a theater packed with teenagers.  I may have cried a little.

If you haven't read/seen it, it's about a girl, Hazel Grace Lancaster, who has cancer.  She meets a boy, Augustus Waters, at her cancer support group and he begins to pursue her.  Relentlessly.  Hazel tries to keep her distance because she feels like a grenade that is going to hurt everyone who loves her when she dies.  She feels like it's her responsibility to minimize the casualties in her wake.  And then Augustus says the famous line:

"Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace.  It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

And all the girls in the theater swooned.

Because, what girl wouldn't want to be loved by someone who says things like that.  Who wouldn't want to be loved by someone who sees beyond her mess and pursues her.  Unabatedly.

Flash back to the day my son was born.  I couldn't stop looking at him.  Those tiny fingers and those cheeks - he was perfect.  I named him and I loved him just because he was my son.  And then the thought crossed my mind, "One day he is going to break your heart...".  What a strange thought to have in that moment.  If I was as brilliant as John Green's Augustus Waters, I would have said, "Taylor Scott, it would be a  privilege to have my heart broken by you."

How many times is a mother's heart broken over her children?  A billion and one. When that baby is feverish.  When the toddler is defiant.  When your child is teased at school.  Or how about the child who stomps off to her room yelling, "I hate you!" as she slams the door.  Or the teen who is making poor choices.  A mother's heart is broken over and over and over again.  And yet her love for her children would chase them to the moon and back.  Or to Colorado.  Same difference.

A mother knows better than most that her children are far from perfect.  We know their faults and weaknesses and the mistakes they've made.   But still.  There is nothing that can change the way she feels about them.  Motherhood isn't easy.  It comes at a price.  Our hearts.

There is nothing like a mothers love.

Or is there?

I think about the Garden of Gethsemane.  Jesus is about to face His death.  He is alone and praying,

"My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."  - Matthew 26:39

And Jesus went to the cross, paying the penalty for our mistakes and failures.

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  - Romans 5:8

He paid the price for our sin, so that we wouldn't have to.  He died so we could live.  Because:

 ... the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.  - Romans 6:23

He said: 
"Insert your name here (Olivia Christine), it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."

 And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is My body which is given for you..."

These words, from the "literal heart of Jesus" (for those who read the book or saw the movie), are being said to you and me.

How many times has His heart been broken over me?  A billion and one.  When I am sick.  When I am defiant.  When I am going through a hard time.  When I am angry at Him.  He knows my faults and weaknesses.  He knows the mistakes I have made.  But still.  He named me - Beloved.  What's in a name?  I talk about that more here.  When God looks at me, he sees love.  And I didn't have to do anything to earn it.  I am perfect in His eyes.  How can that be?  I know how far from perfect I am.

There is nothing like the Father's love.

It pursues me.  Unabatedly.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life... - Psalm 23:6

The use of the word 'follow' in this verse is the Hebrew word, radaph - to chase; run after; hunt.  So this verse literally says:

Surely goodness and mercy will chase; run after; hunt me all the days of my life.

Here's another verse:

Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. - Psalm 139:7&8

I want my children to know how much I love them.  There is nowhere they can go that my love won't follow.  Just as much, I want them to know how much God loves them.  How can I make them understand, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is?  And then I remember.  "Surely goodness and mercy will chase Taylor and Celine all the day's of their lives".  God is relentlessly pursuing them.  Because He loves them more than I do. 

We spend our lives looking for someone who will love us.  Girls everywhere will swoon over Augustus Waters and dream of such words being said to them.  

Yet there they are.  Right in front of us:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.." - Jeremiah 31:3

Jesus is saying your name.  His goodness and mercy are chasing you.  And me.  The literal heart and body of Jesus have already been broken for you.